Dying for a reborn.

I told myself that I will wake up as a new person and will march to my workplace with a happy smile. I was doing fine until I sat at my chair. Emotion start kicking in and face went numb without any cheerful impression. I would love to put on a happy mask just to hide the sorrows but just don't worked.

I tried to convince myself in many ways and still eagerly convincing myself every minutes. Part of me are buying into the reason but the other part are still emotionally affected by the heartbreaking concept.

Nevertheless I still have to break through this emotional circles of mine with strength. But where do I find the strength to do so?

I'm using the strength now to hold the tears in my eyes. I can now feel my eyes bloated and heavy. Trying hard to relax now just to calm down the emotion with heavy breathing so that I won't make a mess of myself.

Why should I suffer while others are having a good life. No one with throw sympathy on me and no one will cares if I mess up myself. Is only myself who could help myself and pull back to be the man I used to be.

Everything is easier to be said but done. But without stepping on the 1st step. You will never able to walk. Time may heal everything. But if I run it will heal faster.