To afraid to face the truth.

I've decide not to go because I don't think I'll be able to take the pain. I'm healing just at the right pace now And try not to slower the process. By saying so, the pain are still there but us alright. The pain makes me a better man when I fully recover. It may seem like the hardest thing to do, but you have to forget about the person who forgot about you.

Yesterday I was speaking to a friend who I known for 25 years. He had a similar background as me and he like a girl but don't know how to break the news to her about his past. I told him just be truthful and do not hope for more. Just appreciate and accept what you have now. That's the motto for me now. I do not believe in future an promises now. Is too fragile and with no concrete prove of good ending. The fuck I going to speak about future with any of my partner now. I don't even want to think what's going to happen tomorrow. I just want to live my life today and not tomorrow.

At my age now , Use to believe in having great hope of my coming years with the person I love the most has shattered the dream I once had. What the point of speaking about love and the future when everything can change overnight. I know alot of you do not agree with my saying and if you trying to speak to me on this. You better have a fucking damn good history of life before approaching me. I gone through alot and the worst. My life is a disaster. I stop believing the day my heart died. Sometime when you give up on someone it’s not because you don’t care anymore but because you realize they don’t.

Since I'm not going out, i will have my vodka at home Has been drinking alot nowadays and really became a habit now. Drinking can help your brain to shut down but also will make it start working on the unthinkable. As the saying, The best revenge is happiness, because nothing drives people more crazy then seeing someone actually living a good life. Isn't this hurt? It make you feel so bad that you start to evaluate yourself of not being good enough for her.