Who holds the power?

Everyday I'm not just lying to the world but lying to myself too. When can I stop my lies? I'm almost worn off everyday. I try to hypnotize myself every morning when I wake up and drug myself to sleep. Never been so fucking painful in my life before. Really don't know how to carry on. Even the most important person who never once fail to put a smile on my face everytime I'm sad can't able to work his magic this time. Now I realize who holds the power.