My story ends tonight. (I hope)

IS a rainy day and what else to do alone at home on such a cozy day, do shot at home. While i was drinking and reading back the all this blog I've wrote since I started few years back. It make me realize how bad shape I am now. My very 1st painful relationship are not comparable to the recent one. The 1st relationship may be longer but the pain is double up. I've been listening to sad songs everyday and all this songs is the closest to my heart now. Let me summarize to you how I feeling now with most of the songs.

"那誰" is the one that gave me hope and also took everything out of me. She gave me “最幸福的事” I’ve ever been. All this while I though she understand me and”她说”, she knows what she wants and she will never regret on her decision to be with me. I actually a “傻瓜” to believe her and let go an opportunity of my future just to be with her. I don’t know why I made the decision to be with her on that time or maybe i could see my future in her which I never tell her about this before or maybe I’m just “太善良” . This secret was kept within me because anyone will tell me “我們都傻” but is my life and I choose my path as how she choose her path to be with me without any hesitations. With All those “那些年” of happiness, I got betray by her not once but twice and yet I forgive her but "I was wrong". For every man who been into my situation will made the decision as what I’ve made but the differences is I go back with forgiveness. No man can take this shit of being betrayed even if is only a fling. You said you never" 說謊". When the love overshadow your ego, you tend to give in to any situation. You starts giving me misleading signal of our relationship but the time doesn’t wait for anyone. I felt hurt and “煎熬” when I came to know the truth. All this years of trust was shattered. Every word she said is a "Lies". "Haru Haru" . I was living in pain and agony. I start to blame on myself for everything and even the every decision I’ve made in this. You wouldn’t able to feel my pain when all this struck me. Is too sudden for me to accept it. I try everything and even beg for you to come back to me but there is “Nothing” from you. Not even a single chance that you able to offer me. It even hurts more because to me it seems like you never cherish the past few good years we share. It seems like I do not worth anything to you because “你是你的”. You shut me out from your heart with no mercy, I must “Thank you for the broken heart” that you gave me as my birthday present. I’m still trying to recover from this hurtful relationship because “I'm still loving you”. Everyday I tell myself that I will “自然醒” and moved on but everyday I fail miserably. When will the day I’ll be a “skyscraper” that could rebuild myself from the ground? I really need to let go. Maybe you are the "錯的人" for me