Checkmate

Sometimes I find myself doing alot of unworthy stuff and it did pissed me off. I'm telling myself why am I so stupid to do all this at times. Is just plain stupidity that I can't tolerate my own behavior. Only naive boys will do all this but it is not acceptable for a man especially the man I am. Maybe is my boring yet unproductive life of mine that's influence my behavior. Is sad to notice and is totally childish of me. Many of us grows wiser and moved on. They bury their past till it convert to a sweet memories. That's just part of life but why every other people able to achieve this routine while I'm still stuck at the spots without a single movement of change? Is not that I don't try but it just stuck and freeze my steps. I felt that roots are seeding me to the ground. The ground is hard and everyday is getting harder while I'm getting weaker. Will this be a sign or an indications? I don't know and could not solve the puzzle. I've just be checkmate by myself.