Not just heart but spine.

Waking up with a fucking pain on my spine and my neck. Do i need to see a doctor or let it heal by itself. Don't think i could hit back to the gym soon. This really give me the excuse to skip gym but I don't want this excuse now. I hope she won't able to see me in this condition now. Last night i shave and I should look better now, I now want to carry an image of happy to the world so that i've so unfortunately I have to bump into her, I don't want her or any of her friends see me in my worst condition and that will make them happy. I want to show them I'm happy even if is just fake. I don't want to tell her that all this was cause by her. I'm the one who have to take the responsibilities from the day i fall in love with her.

Sometimes when I say 'I am okay' I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight & say 'I know your not'