Hopes that's suffered.

Merry fucking Christmas to those who emo with me and spending this Christmas with emotion. Christmas suppose to be a joyful and happiest day for the year but not this year for me. I gave a serious thought to the whole situation now, off cause with the help of alcohol. I have figure out everything. Hopefully everything will turn out fine for me. If that's works, I'll have my New life again with my single status. From there I will need to start plan for my future again. But for now, I really need to move on without embracing the past. I do not wish to do this but I know for a fact miracle will never happen on me and Santa are not fulfilling my wish. Is always an empty hope that I'm lying to myself all this while. Thou I'm still hoping for miracle to happen but it will not happen.this miracle is only bring me suffering everyday. I'm not young anymore and I cant be spending my remaining years being alone. I might have a kid who might be taking care of me when i'm old but yet, he might not do so because of the route I've chosen and he might hate me for it. I really don't know whats my future holds but only hoping for the best and preparing for the worst. I really needed someone to take care of my heart now, who's the one that able to do that?I need friends now too.